Discover my world as I live it.

Actually, this post was written on the 11th of June but thanks to QQ and that long looonnng msn chat, i never really got around to posting it til now...Enjoy~

I dreamt of my grandfather the day before yesterday. The PM was also inside my dream...dun ask me why but it was really weird. Some things aren't meant to be typed out for the sake of my safety... Ha ha...we all know what happened with the PSC scholar.

But I just realised how long it has been since I lost him. I will never forget that day, the day that I should never have left home. I knew something was wrong with my grandfather but yet I refused to believe that he would just die and just went about my day. That day, I phoned home after my Maths lecture in NJC and as I was walking out of the LT5 with my then boyfriend, Jeremy, I received the bad news. It was so surreal. I now look back upon that day with an out-of-body kind of experience. I see myself in the middle of the grassy patch behind Lt5 with Jeremy beside me and tons of people streaming out of the lecture theatre to the various destinations. The moment I heard my mother's tearful voice say "Koong Koong died.", I was paralysed...unable to take another step forward...then I broke down.

I was so frail then. If not for Jeremy, my friends and classmates who tried to console me and even got a cab for me, I wouldn't know what to do. Throughout the ride home, I kept crying and i think the cabbie could guess what happened. Although Jeremy had given the driver some money, it was kinda insufficient but the cabbie just said it was alright. Already, there were people slowly arriving at my house to pay their last respects and help with the funeral.

I miss him so.
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Last night, I had two seperate weird dreams. The first had Gollum (actually, I did not see him exactly but his name kept popping up)...and would you believe...ONG TAI TAI????!?!?! For those from css, i doubt you'd need any prompting to remember her...and her lion king hairstyle.

Okay, my first dream went something like this. I was in this big hotel...nothing fancy really, just the basic white walls and cream carpeting. The lights overhead were kinda dim and somehow, I just knew to be afraid. There was this nondescript uniformed man who seemed to be an undercover policeman or something, investigating a sudden series of disappearances in the hotel. The policeman was warning me in hushed tones that Gollum was on the third floor hiding (we were on the 2nd) and below were the students. Forget about that scrawny creature from LOTR cuz my 'Gollum' (tho' i never even got to see it...er..him) was probably a close cousin of that troll from the Billy Goat (Ladybird collection). In case, you have not heard about this story, you have my deepest condolences regarding your sad sad childhood...anyway, 'Gollum' here wants to eat human instead of lambchops.

Somehow, I get wind that people have been disappearing after going up to the 3rd floor and my gut told me that they were probably long dead. As usual in dreams like this, I somehow seem to be the only one who knows the true danger that lies around us. Sigh, this is when i really think that ignorance is bliss. At least, if i do get pounced upon suddenly, I'd get a quick death and it'll all be over. But no!! I have to constantly plot my escape and have my heart beat as fast as a timid rabbit.

Stupid Yi Lin...it's not enough that her dreams give her a major brain workout in plotting a nice escape, it also has to provide a moral dilemma! Hah! How so? Well, Ong Tai Tai appears in the dream leading a bunch of students up to the 3rd floor. They were suspiciously quiet, as if they knew there was probably something sinister somewhere in the hotel and Ong Tai Tai, I guess was supposed to lead them to safety. Yeah right...to the 3rd floor.

Anyway, a horrible thought came over me. The survival of the fittest. I was scared half to death by what lurked in the 3rd floor and just wanted to badly to get out of the hotel. And I had a very good chance of surviving...provided i kept my mouth shut and allowed the fool-hardy group to court death. The man-eating cannibal would then be to busy feasting to bother with me and then I would be able to escape undetected. But, that was just so wrong. Much as I wanted to live, I did not want it to be on account of using those people as sacrifices.

So I called out as loudly as i dared to Ong Tai Tai, " No! Don't go that way!"

But it still bothered me, that I would consider compromising my morals for pure survival. Am I to blame?